STUD,BUTCH,TOMBOI,DOM........ARE STILL WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Chaulai]

I come across a lot of "straight" people who ask me "so do you like girls that look like dudes?" When I reply “yes I am attracted to dominate females" The next question is (and I’m sure many of you have heard this one) "So why don't you just date a man?"................STOP, BACKUP, REWIND. Just because a female dress in what is considered male attire does not make her a man......she is still a woman.

She does not think, reason, or feel like a man. The question ticks me off because of the ignorance level.
I have heard plenty of man hit on my girlfriend (who is butch, stud whatever) so it makes me want to ask them "why don't you just date a man?" I mean come on lets use our brains people, cloths and actions alone doesn't change gender.

What are UPEOPLE's feeling and thoughts on the subject?

[diane]

I FEEL THE SAME WAY; IM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THIS SUBJECT UP . I WORKED IN AN PLACE WHERE MOSTLY MEN WORKED. AND WHEN THEY WERE TOLD THAT I LIKED WOMEN THAT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION. I WOULD HAVE TO HOLD MY TONGUE SOMETIMES; TO KEEP FROM GOING OFF. I HAD TO TELL MYSELF THAT THEY WERE INGONRANT TO FACT.

[thru'Ntrue]

Totally agree. She does not think, reason or feel like a man.

[Jai]

I've been mistaken for a dude, people tend to look at my short hair and just take for granted that i'm a guy. I even had a woman to go outside of the bathroom and look at the door to make sure it said Women's, she did this after seeing me inside of the women's restroom at DMV. Just because of the way i dress doesn't mean i'm trying to be a guy, i'm just trying to be myself, i know under everything i'm still a female at the end of the day. I had a coworker to tell me one time that men have a hard time getting a woman because of people like me, WTF? i had to set him straight on that one!

[Chaulai]

Men have a problem getting women bc they lack in understanding us.

[ONELOVETKO,(NEVADA), COPMYSHIT!!]

I'm a woman 1st and I have woman needs. I find that alot of times that it's that these people come up with this perception all on their own, sometimes you have to look at what they've been introduced to. I've been around studs/ags/doms who refer to themselves as men, yet they know they aren't men. Some of them wear a strap as a daily accessory. I on the other hand I embrace my womanhood and though I may not fit into everyones definition of "stud"; I am stud I denified by my own means and my thought is the only one that matters when it comes to who I am. I don't have to pretend to be extra hard. I am a fag... It's just who I am. Yet, I am a woman 1st. So, I definitely agree with you for the most part except I don't think that in all cases they come to conclusions all on their own and furthermore, there's a right time and place for everything and If they don't know and they ask I think; unless they're asking the same question everyday just to be an asshole, we should try to at least help them gain a general understanding. Honestly, I can't say I've always been so quick to answer questions when I've heard them a million times but if everytime it's a new person I can't be but so short fused. Though they'll never truly understand the least we can do is give them and answer. I'm understanding is a cure for ignorance.

[Chaulai]

That is true, if the person is asking the question to gain knowledge, then I am obliged......but most of the people asking “why don't you just date men?" are being condescending and rude. You can tell it by their tone when the ? is asked. I think men feel violated that I would rather date a woman who may be a little masculine then to be with them. Yeah I bet that’s a hard pill to sallow, it’s almost like a slap in the face. So they tend to take it out on us (the area I live in, the people hear give us a hard time). Too many people have this perception of what a lesbian should look like and who she should be with. Just a whole lot of red tape that needs to come down.

[Hanifah Walidah]

I thank the skies everyday I was not born a man, but I wouldn't trade my hats in for nothing. In an interview the other day I made the statement that "Men do not own masculinity and women do not own feminity". They look and feel different for each individual. So my masculinity does not equate manhood. I would trade in my womanhood for the burdens of manhood for allthe money in the world. They can keep the muscles. I have the strength.

[Isoke]

I agree,but you have to understand Queen... that ignorance is contagious and I try to keep my dose of Vitamin C...
I honestly dont want to catch that :)

[BigBadButch]

Eh, the next time someone asks say, "If butch women and men are the same why don't you start dating butch women?" My ex used that when some chick was getting ignorant right in front of me. I wanted to smack that chick but my ex gave her a verbal beat down so it was all good.

[bLaKtivist.com - Krys]

These conversations are popping up everywhere.

I think a tough wrinkle is that people don't differentiate between transguys and butch women (both within and outside of our communities). So the logic about "wanting to be a man" etc. becomes and insult both to women who do not want to be seen as men, and the female born folk who identify as MEN because they don't "want to be" they are. Suggesting otherwise is an affront as well.

Some transguys believe themselves to in fact " think, reason, or feel like a man." And many transguys date women who identify as lesbian (may not work because she identifies as lesbian but thats a whole other convo). I think Hanifah summed it up though:
"Men do not own masculinity and women do not own feminity"
It's really that simple. If as queer folk we can recognize the beauty of masculine and feminine men AND women, we shouldn't have to define any of it as necessarily OPPOSITE to the others.

But LOL I was crackin' up - "If butch women and men are the same why don't you start dating butch women?" LMAO! That's witty as hell. First off because it reverse the entire comment. It's intended as an insult, but the effectiveness depends on the person. However for straight men it makes for a sound insult when reversed. THATS WUSSUP.

I also wanted to let ya'll know about the BUTCHVoices conference in Oakland. We're gonna have a bunch of sessions talking about these kinds of topics if you're interested. Cheryl Dunye will be doing a showing of "Stranger Inside" for our movie night and offering a Q&A. There are a variety of sessions talking about the intersection of race, gender etc. and masculine female identity. Would love to see more women of color come thru.


peace,
krys

[less-hate-MORE-love!]

lol. this is a funny subject to me... well alot of people dont understand the lifestyle and persona of tomboys.. aggressives... what EVER U CALL IT! WOMEN THAT WEAR MEN'S CLOTHING! LOL. well with me i just tell em... it's about whats up under the clothes... lol ok i'm being fast. but it's the truth. it's something about a womans face, a woman's body.. even if she is dressed like a man i still know its a woman.. by the bone structure, the arch in her back.. even her voice. i just tell em i just like those types of women ... because i just do.. hell i dont know! lol i dont sit and think about why someone turns me on.. im too busy trying to figure out how i can get them to swing my way! hello. i mean why spend so much time trying to figure out why someone likes someone else. if you want it go get it! if u aint feelin it.. leave it where it's at!

[Au_Naturale]

I think alot of people have that mentality. Even when I was outed, unintentionally, to my mother...she was like so you like girls who look like, act like boys....Nooo... I love women because they are women. Now I've never dated a stud.butch.tomboi.etctera...but I still know a woman's mindset differs from a man...either we can educate them or let them remain in their ignorance.