Celibacy

[RealSoul9]

November will mark my second year of celibacy. It's not that I haven't wanted to have sex, there just hasn't been a viable sex partner. At first my hold out was for love/relationship/commitment. Now that a lot of time has passed, I've begun to reconsider. A really good friend of six...maybe seven years has offered to be my sex partner. Herein lies the problem(s): she confessed to me this past summer her feelings are greater for me than "just friends." I love her dearly and would do (almost) anything for her, but I do not view her as more than one of my best friends. I'm certain sex would complicate our relationship, yet she assures me she would be able to handle sex without a commitment from me. Also, and this may sound archaic of me, but I like the idea of "giving" myself to someone who I want more from than just the occasional romp in the sheets. What do you think? Is viewing sex as something special an outdated notion and I'm just a naive romantic or is physical gratification a part of every day life?

[Heaven26]

Wow... many times when my circle of friends discuss where I may go wrong or need change...In my realationships it tends to surrounds Itself around "sex"....I beg the differ tho...lol....Im a over million times spiller of perfection In that area....Im one of learning HER... her body...from head to toe...her mind...mood...dos..and donts...her itch and her wonts....lol....Ive been called the prefessor as well as the student......Many greeting of 'Freinds with Benefits" have crossed my path....but at this point Im not to thrilled about such offer.....Im on this new found journey to venture out to a new outlook on doin things diff.....I LOOOOOVE SEX....EVERY PART OF THE WORD....AND THE WORDS BEFORE AND AFTER THAT ARE RELATED TO SUCH THING.....I CUD HAVE IT EVERYDAY....of course with the right person.....It wud be a challenge for me to disipline myself to celibacy...... but If I found the person that I hope comes along my road.....and they presented to me...they practice celibacy....I wud respect It and support It.....Its sures growth when one wants more then the norm......SEX can be viewed simply about how u view It....what you gain from It....Physical Gratification is also how u view it....In my opinion.....

[Z.Bediako]

I commend you for your views & I definitely don't think your perspective of 'giving yourself' is archaic. We must be mindful of our partners and the sexual situations we place ourselves in. I think your celibacy is a beautiful thing to cherish. When you choose to end that cycle you will be grateful of yourself and to your sexual partner if you did so with a person who was worthy of it. If you thought your friend was that person this post wouldn't exist. Right?

I think sex can be many things for many people. I have close friends who have open relationships and non-traditional relationships with their friends. They view sex as a physical and spiritual practice that doesn't have to be confined to the traditional romantic exchange. Ergo - sex with friends is completely acceptable & desired and rarely leads to complications in the friendship. They have an itch & they have a friend to scratch it. That's what friends are for.... maybe??

But I am different. Perhaps you are, too. My perspective on sex may change in the future, and i welcome that as long as I understand the risks associated with it. In the meanwhile - no sex w/ friends for moi!

[Neje Bailey]

I was celibate for 6 years and half that time I was dealing with the notion that my Mom was dying ( she passed 11 yrs ago) and the other 3 years I was a mess. So I dealt with self until she came along we have been together for 7 + years.....the sex was real "HOT" in the beginning now its tapered off to ...." Am I celibate in a relationship?" but back to your question...I dont think that your situation deems you naive... I think your being smart! If you feel like waiting for that special someone then wait. It will be less mess than dealing with the loss of a good friend. Cause sex and friendship dont mix well, at all!

[RealSoul9]

Thank you, Neje, for your response. I decided against being intimate with her. My decision put a strain on our friendship for a while, but I think we're back on track. She's stopped being distant at least. Time will tell if we are to remain true friends, or if we need to go our separate ways.