Are you a Mother?

[Shar]

Hey everyone!
I'm 42 and feel'in that biological clock ticking but do i really want to start a family now? 2a.m. feedings, finding the perfect daycare or right person to babysit, etc...? Dag, I'll be over 60 by the time he or she (OMGoodness THEY) graduate high school. Am I really ready or is this just a phase? I use to want 2 (boy & a girl) but as time passed i had a taste of what it takes to be a parent, is it what i really want? My partner would love it but she won't be the one carrying. She has two children already, grown and gone and is ready for grands but also would love Us to have our own. Hmmm...
Talk to me single (partnered) new mothers over 40.

[Glo]

I'm not over 40 and I am child free but I have a thought.

The maternal tug has many sources and not enough people understand what it all entails. The pressure from external and internal sources can be overwhelming and too many people give in easily without taking into stock what exactly they are saying they're going to do.

I've got a very hard line when it comes to having and raising children. Unless you are ready, willing and able to be a proper steward of another life then having children is out of the question. Managing their education and guiding them to a successful and honorable future, proper parenting to ensure their personality is controlled and nurtured, giving them the very best of the very best so that they stand a chance to compete with others when they are adults.

There are way too many ill mannered children with no future out there. We're not CEOs of companies and do not form strong communities or have any legacy we're building other than being single mothers with tons of children from many fathers.

My advice, it is easy to imagine that we're going to do everything in our power to give a child an exceptional future, however the kind of emotional involvement, financial investment and time investment to create that future is immense and should not be taken lightly. Plus, the investment sometimes doesn't pay off (as in no matter what you do, your child ends up a rich selfish bastard who couldn't care if you lived or died). If you can visualize yourself raising another Obama, then go for it. You're going to have to pay for Law School! If not, then what is the use in perpetrating a devolving culture?

[patricia thomas]

I am not over 40, but i didn't have my son until i was 30. it is a hugh, major decision not to be taken lightly! What i usuallly tell women is this:
if emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically you are in working order, then you can consider yourself prepared to have a child. the finance and know how will come along the way or you can seek support in those areas. when i say in working order i dont mean that you have conqured all the "demons" i just mean that you have acknowledged them and are working o nthem and feel good about your progress. far to often women wait until they have "it" all together and sometimes it never happens. So now that you have these things together its time to thik about your job, maternity leave, health care, your partner and why? whats your reason for wanting to parent? the next thing to keep in mind is that you will become rresponsible for another beings personal and spirtual guidance. you will be the primary individaul responible, for some time, for everything that this beautiful soul takes in. Are you ready for that?

For myself all the other stufff are stressor, but the well being of my little meatball weighs on me daily! At 2 yrs ol it does not get easier but it certainly gets sweeter. I love every ounce of him and all that he will be. the every hr and hlf feedings the fevers the childcare madness is all worth it.

My 2 scents
trini

[Cynthia]

Shar,

I am a mother, 41 years old, with an 8 year old adopted son who is the light of my life. When I was a little girl (around 10yrs old), I always dreamed of being someones mother. I always wanted to have a child, a boy. However, I never wanted to give birth to a child. Nonetheless, I always wanted to have one. I never wanted a husband and I never thought about marriage in the stereotypical way. Without getting into the details of how my son came along, I will just say this. My partner and I decided to adopted this child and raise him together. He was 6 wks old when he came into our lives. He was 6 months old when we got him permanently. He was a little over 2 yrs old when we (my partner and I) broke up.

When we were together and when I became a single parent, there were nights of sickness and trips to the emergency room. There were endless feedings and diapers to change - (God I hated poop diapers and did all I could to get out of changing them.) There were added expenses that I could have never imagined or saved for. There were days I sat on my couch and thought what the hell was I thinking. I have been to the point of understanding how parents cross the line when disciplining children. I have felt totally brain drained and wanted to escape for just a little while and sometimes forever.

However, I have also experienced love unlike anything I could have ever dreamed of. I cannot fully describe what it feels like to hear him call me Mama. It is like music to my soul. When he smiles it is like sunshine in the room. When he cries and only I can comfort him, it is the greatest responsibility and the greatest joy all roled up in one. Being a parent is the greatest stresser and the greatest liberator I could have ever experienced. When you commit to putting self aside, so much more of the world opens up for you. That's not to say that if you chose not to parent or it doesn't work out for you something is wrong with your situation. I'm just saying that I know for certain that I am a better person, I experience a richer life and my blessings continue to overflow because I am the Mother of this child. I truly know love beyond measure.

And, it does get easier with time. Doctor visits are for check ups now or the occassional cold. Nights are calm and mornings are easy. He goes to bed between 8 - 9, he gets up on his own alarm in the morning, he gets dressed, he brushes his teeth, he gets his own breakfast, he opens the blinds and then he knocks on my door and says he is ready for school. Then I usually tell him I will be ready in 15 minutes. LOL.

My point is this. Jeffrey Damurs parents didn't raise him to eat people! Shit happens and you can't control it.

My boy is a real blessing to me and to his Other Mama (we still share him). We broke up for reasons that had nothing to do with him. So, there was no way I could deprive him of another person who loved him as much as I do. And, since we parted ways, I have learned that I am so much more ready for love from my new queen when she arrives (I had some Princesses in between). LOL. Because I have experienced unconditional love from with my son, I am much more prepared to be a better partner for someone else.

Follow your heart. Don't wait on all things to come together. They never will.

Peace and Blessings,
Cynthia

[Shar]

I guess as women we sometimes think we should be mothers but in reality we aren't all meant to be. So much to consider. Thanks for the input ladies.